Monday, April 13, 2009

English hospitality?

An American tourist in London decides to skip his tour group and explore the city on his own. He wanders around, seeing the sights, occasionally stopping at a quaint pub to soak up the local culture, chat with the locals, and have a pint of bitter.

After a while, he finds himself in a very nice neighbourhood with big, stately residences. No pubs, no stores, no restaurants, and worst of all no public restrooms.

However, he really has to go, after all those Guinness%26#039;s. He finds a narrow side street, with high walls surrounding the adjacent buildings and decides to use the wall to solve his problem.

As he is unzipping, he is tapped on the shoulder by a London bobby, who says, %26quot;Sir, you simply cannot do that here, you know.%26quot;

%26quot;I%26#039;m very sorry, officer,%26quot; replies the American, %26quot;but I really have to go, and I just can%26#039;t find a public restroom.%26quot;

%26quot;Ah, yes,%26quot; said the bobby, %26quot;just follow me%26quot;. He leads the American to a back delivery alley to a gate, which he opens.

%26quot;In there,%26quot; points the bobby, %26quot;whiz away sir, anywhere you like.%26quot;

The fellow enters and finds himself in the most beautiful garden he has ever seen. Manicured grass lawns, statuary, fountains, sculptured hedges, and huge beds of gorgeous flowers, all in perfect bloom.

Since he has the policeman%26#039;s blessing, he relieves himself and feels much more comfortable. As he goes back through the gate, he says to the bobby %26quot;That was really decent of you. Is that what you call English hospitality?%26quot;

%26quot;No sir...%26quot;, replied the bobby, %26quot;that is what we call the French Embassy.%26quot;

English hospitality?
Hahahahahhaaaaaa, superb, loved it mate, give me the address and i%26#039;ll do it too lol.
Reply:hahahahaaaaa very good hun, ta for the laugh .... lol
Reply:The funniest **** ever man great stuff
Reply:Very funny sir!!!
Reply:good one
Reply:Yeah !!!

That%26#039;s a really good one...

What a friendly %26amp; handsome bobby.

Reply:nice one .lol
Reply:Ha ha ha ha
Reply:Classic! lol lol!
Reply:*shakes her head and tuts*
Reply:Brill, love it. The English just love to hate the French and Vice- versa
Reply:ha ha ha funny
Reply:i loved it, pity he didn%26#039;t want a dump because the french dump on everyone.
Reply:you%26#039;re really spoiling us
Reply:ROFL nice one
Reply:You never fail to deliver


Reply:Lmao awesome! thx for the laugh
Reply:wee wee muisour, hehehe very funny, guess the bobby was taking the p*ss

have a star

Reply:good 1 LOL 10/10 X
Reply:What do you have against the French ?? It was funny but really I hear lots of jokes about the French ! hhhuummm!
Reply:good one
Reply:Another good one from the master of merryment ha ha ha


Is this just a coincidence?OR is this lady psychic?

My mother has been going to a psychic for like 10 years,I have always been slightly skeptical.But,this is what the lady has told my mom.

She predicted that there would be a loss on my mothers side of the fam involving 3 letters,a train,and yellow flowers2 weeks after this reading,My mom%26#039;s brother was hit my an amtrak train while driving for the trash company CTR,his body was lying amongst yellow flowers.


I was due to have my baby on November 1st,of this year,My mom asked the lady what she saw for my labor and delivery,the lady told her that she did not see me having a child at all in the year 2007.And that I would deliver a healthy baby in the spring of 2008. On June 14th,2007 I had a sudden miscarriage at 20 weeks. Now,I am expecting a baby in April of 08!!

What do you think of all this?

Is she the real deal?

Or is just mere coincidence?

Is this just a coincidence?OR is this lady psychic?

Congratulations on baby x

Your mum has obviously got a good psychic, good for her.

Have some faith, no harm will come to you from believing?, after all she has given plenty of proof from what you have mentioned.

She sounds like the real deal.

Reply:Coincidence. This lady is a fake. No such thing as going into the future and pradicting it is true. If it was then those people whould benefit themselves other then making other people pay them, or have to high of a concense to be able to just sit there and not take action.
Reply:i think she could be based on the first reading, but the second one was a coincidence. She knew you were pregnant and could safely assume you wanted a kid, but as far as she knew the baby wasn%26#039;t going too be born the next year sounds like coincidence that your baby died, and you Had another.
Reply:thats a pretty big coincidence..

i often wonder if they get your name then change your life

(obviously nto the pregnancy haha)

but i mean.. paid someone even like 50 or 100 dollars to kill him so she can be right so she gets lots more money from ur mom and to convert you and all your friends and relatives.

im obviously paranoid, but im also a logical reasoner and skepticist.

can you blame me?

Reply:If what you are saying is true then I would say yes there is some psychic ability to it, but the better question is how often is she wrong vs the amount of time she is right.

Also, if your mother has been seeing the psychic for 10 years then im guessing that more on one occasion the psychic has been right, so what did your mother do to try and avoid this death in her family?
Reply:What would be the point of predicting the future if you can%26#039;t change it anyway? The guy was still hit by a train.


Christmas and New Year gifts india?

i%26#039;m planning to send some christmas cake and some flowers and some assorted choclates for Newyear.

did anyone have some intresting ideas to send gifts on new year.

something to send to chennai.

what do you think about midnight delivery in

Christmas and New Year gifts india?
Well for New Year, you could just give a bottle of wine or noise makers. Also 2008 sunglasses might work. Your Christmas cake is fine. I would also get pastries or something like that for Christmas. By the way, it%26#039;s Idea not India. That%26#039;s the country.

yahoo finance

I broke up with a boyfriend and recently he sent me a floral arrangement.I?

refused the delivery so they were sent back to him was I wrong?, I mean we are over..and I am trying to move on..he sent the flowers so was I wrong? ( I added info to my original question)

thanks to all!

I broke up with a boyfriend and recently he sent me a floral arrangement.I?
LOL! You did the right thing. I find this funny because my boyfriend told me that before we got together (which was after valentine%26#039;s day last year), he gave his ex a dozen roses on v-day, even though she dropped his *** like a bad habit! lol i found it to be a little desperate, but yea, your question was relavent to that story so i wanted to reply. you did the right on thing sista

visual arts

A day at the IT support in a company..........................

1. When a tech says he%26#039;s coming right over, log out and go for coffee. It%26#039;s no problem for us to remember 2700 network passwords.

2. When you call us to have your computer moved, be sure to leave it buried under half a ton of postcards, baby pictures, stuffed animals, dried flowers, bowling trophies and Popsicle art. We don%26#039;t have a life, and we find it deeply moving to catch a fleeting glimpse of yours.

3. When tech support sends you an e-mail with high importance, delete it at once. We%26#039;re probably just testing out the public groups.

4. When a tech is eating lunch at his desk, walk right in and spill your guts out and expect him to respond immediately. We exist only to serve and are always ready to think about fixing computers.

5. When Pat is at the water cooler or outside having a smoke, ask her a mail question. The only reason why she drinks water or smokes at all is to ferret out all those users who don%26#039;t have email or a telephone line.

6. Send urgent email ALL IN UPPERCASE. The mail server picks it up and flags it as a rush delivery.

7. When you call a tech%26#039;s direct line, press 5 to skip the bilingual greeting that says he%26#039;s out of town for a week, record your message, and wait exactly 24 hours before you send an email straight to the director because no one ever returned your call. You%26#039;re entitled to common courtesy.

8. When the photocopier doesn%26#039;t work, call computer support. There%26#039;s electronics in it, right?

9. When you%26#039;re getting a NO DIAL TONE message at home, call computer support. We can even fix telephone problems from here.

10. When something%26#039;s wrong with your home PC, dump it on a tech%26#039;s chair with no name, no phone number, and no description of the problem. We love a good mystery.

11. When you have a tech on the phone walking you through changing a setting read the paper. We don%26#039;t actually mean for you to DO anything we just love to hear ourselves talk.

12. When we offer training on an upcoming software upgrade, don%26#039;t bother. We%26#039;ll be there to hold your hand after it is done.

13. When the printer won%26#039;t print, re-send the job at least 20 times. Print jobs frequently just disappear into the cosmos for no reason.

14. When the printer still won%26#039;t print after 20 tries, send the job to all 68 printers in the office. One of them is bound to work.

15. Don%26#039;t use online help. Online help is for wimps.

16. If you%26#039;re taking night classes in computer science, feel free to go around and update the network drivers for you and all you co-workers. We%26#039;re grateful for the overtime when we have to stay until 2:30am fixing them.

17. When you have a tech fixing your computer at a quarter past one, eat your lunch in his face. We function better when slightly dizzy.

18. Don%26#039;t ever thank us. We love this AND we get paid for it!

19. When a tech asks you whether you%26#039;ve installed any new software on this computer, lie. It%26#039;s nobody%26#039;s business what you%26#039;ve got on your computer.

20. If the mouse cable keeps knocking down the framed picture of your dog, lift the computer and stuff the cable under it. Mouse cables were designed to have 45 lbs. of computer sitting on top of them.

21. If the space bar on your keyboard doesn%26#039;t work, blame it on the mail upgrade. Keyboards work much better with half a pound of muffin crumbs, nail clippings, and big sticky drops of Coke under the keys.

22. When you get the message saying %26quot;Are you sure?%26quot;, click on that Yes button as fast as you can. Hell, if you weren%26#039;t sure, you wouldn%26#039;t Be doing it, would you?

23. Feel perfectly free to say things like %26quot;I don%26#039;t know nothing about that computer crap%26quot;. It never bothers us to hear our area of professional expertise referred to as crap.

24. When you need to change the toner cartridge, call tech support. Changing a toner cartridge is an extremely complex task, and Hewlett-Packard recommends that it be performed only by a professional engineer with a Master%26#039;s degree in nuclear physics.

25. When something%26#039;s the matter with your computer, ask your secretary to call the help desk. We enjoy the challenge of having to deal with a third party who doesn%26#039;t know jack **** about the problem.

26. When you receive a 30-meg movie file, send it to everyone as a high-priority mail attachment. We%26#039;ve got plenty of disk space and processor capacity on that mail server.

27. Don%26#039;t even think of breaking large print jobs down into smaller chunks. God forbid somebody else might get a chance to squeeze into the queue.

28. When you bump into a tech in the grocery store on a Saturday, ask a computer question. We work 24/7, even while at the grocery store on


29. If your son is a student in computer science, have him come in on the weekends and do his projects on your office computer. We%26#039;ll be there for you when his illegal copy of Visual Basic 6.0 makes your Access database flip out.

30. When you bring us your own no-brand home PC to repair for free at the office, tell us how urgently we need to fix it so your son can get back to playing DOOM. We%26#039;ll get right on it because we have so much free time at the office. Everybody knows all we do is surf the Internet all day anyway.

A day at the IT support in a company..........................
I really like this. A lot of effort went into it. People fail to think of fellow human beings, sometimes.

Thanks for the reminder about appreciating what others do.

Have a great evening.
Reply:I love this!!! My network admin and I laughed our asses off.

I have go help this broad find the %26quot;play%26quot; button on her WMP, so I gotta go now. (This really happened!) Report It

Reply:was ok but way too long i only read half before i got bored
Reply:I have some of my own, though their not from IT, it%26#039;s from Phone Repair....

1) When calling to get your phone line fixed, and you are asked for your area code and phone number, it does no good to give your zip code..... were not going to mail you a new phone line.

2) Please, when you call because your installing a new phone line in your house, and it isn%26#039;t working yet, it%26#039;s never worked, call phone repair. I mean, just because it wasn%26#039;t installed correctly doesn%26#039;t mean that it can%26#039;t be repaired, right?

3) Please, when you need the phone number for any place, person or business, call 611 and ask us. I mean, what%26#039;s the difference between 411 and 611 anyway?

4) When your phone doesn%26#039;t work, and you remove one phone of two from your home, and that one phone now works.... don%26#039;t call repair. You see, you removed the faulty phone set and the line worked.... its your phone equipment at fault.

5) If you never been a Phone Technician or an Electrician, please, don%26#039;t insist that you know what the problem is.

6) If your cell phone doesn%26#039;t work, please don%26#039;t pick up your home telephone and dial 611. Doing that will get you to your home telephone carriers repair department..... which is not the same as your Cell phone carrier, regardless of the name.

7) If you call Repair, please try and refrain from being on the toilet, eating, or remaining in a room with screaming children. Our headsets do pick up a lot of background noise..... and we all just laugh at you when we get off the phone.

I%26#039;m sure their%26#039;s more, but my brain died. Enjoy these....
Reply:Hey. Real nice and cool

Loved them
Reply:Loved It!!! Thanks for the smile!
Reply:Long, but pretty funny!

Pretty much real, also.






THIS FORUM.....THANX 4 THE FUNNYS ---X////////////////////////////////
Reply:nice.. but just way too long to read.. but i read the whole thing anyway... lol! thanks for the laugh...

makeup tips

Online flowershop?

Anyone know of an online flowershop from where I can have flowers sent to my girl in Canada.

As with most people looking for value for their money, I%26#039;d like the cheapest price, best roses, free delivery

Any thoughts?

Online flowershop?
you could call a local florist in her city and work it out....most places accept credit cards- what city is she in??
Reply:Try or (actually, in Canada, I think it%26#039;s ).

books authors

Which would make you happier?

Flowers delivered to you at work/school?

A gift delivered to your home from the Louis Vuitton store?

Ben and Jerry%26#039;s delivery man coming up the sidewalk with a dolly full load of ice cream?

Which would make you happier?
Flowers or vegan ice cream =)
Reply:definitely the gift
Reply:flowers @ work

so sweet...

plus making coworkers jealous is always fun :D
Reply:A vegan meal made especially for me. Flowers die and ice cream melts too quickly.
Reply:my prince makes me happier..... my saviour king, knowing he lavishes his love on me .............. then last but not least a gift delivered to my home from loius vuitton or any shopping store........
Reply:Flowers delivered
Reply:ben and jerry%26#039;s !!! yay yum
Reply:flowers being delivered to me at work
Reply:Louis Vuitton because I%26#039;d sell it and buy another Chanel purse :)
Reply:Flowers would be nice!
Reply:Flowers delivered at work. It%26#039;s nice to get flowers at home but it%26#039;s better at work where everyone can see and be jealous. If it%26#039;s my favorite flower = big bonus points!!!
Reply:flowers delivered to my work, that will make me happy!!!
Reply:Flowers, I%26#039;m a hopeless romantic. The cheaper the better-- I know, sorta weird( I mean, what girls doesnt%26#039; want big, fancy flowers?!) but to me it%26#039;s just sweeter that way. (n_n) A nice card with them would be good too, but I%26#039;d settle for a secret admirer!

~The Otaku Twins~
Reply:ice cream definitely
Reply:OOOOooo... it%26#039;s a tie between the flowers and the ice cream. The problem would be that I do not have the facilities to store all that ice cream all at once, but the flowers are much easier to accomodate.

Everyone is entitled to my opinion.
Reply:Why flowers? they%26#039;ll die

Why eat? it%26#039;s all going down the toilet anyways.

Gifts? totally.

Or maybe a kiss. I could use one. who wouldn%26#039;t
Reply:Wow all of those would be amazing, I wish my boyfriend would even think to do one of those.

Depends, if she%26#039;s into the fancy clothes/money stuff, then do the Louis Vuitton.

But if she%26#039;s more into the simple things, do ice cream or flowers
Reply:Actually, how about a small trunk from Louid Vuitton half filled with flowers and the Ben %26amp; Jerry ice cream packed in dry ice in the other half?!
Reply:All of the above would make me happiest but I haven%26#039;t had ice cream in like a year or two or three so that would be sorta cool except I might become addicted again and have to spend months at B%26amp;J anonymous. (that sounds almost odd)


Peace y%26#039;all
Reply:MMMMMMMMM, ice cream, the Ben and Jerry%26#039;s.
Reply:It%26#039;s a toss up between the flowers and the ice cream....but I%26#039;m gonna go with the flowers.
Reply:#1 would embarass the life out of me and piss me off

#2 would be good if i could choose what i want

#3 i wouldnt have enough room in my freezer
Reply:Flowers delivered at work, it would make me feel special.
Reply:Gift from Louis Vuitton

Flowers die and ice cream is gone when I eat it, but LV is forever :)
Reply:2nd hehe i love me some LV

and i don%26#039;t like thing sent to work/school

and ice cream only lasts until i eat it
Reply:I%26#039;d have to go with the Ben and Jerry%26#039;s.

make up